I saw a sweet smile spread on her lips as she was sleeping....
And the sight was so good that I just couldnot help feeling happy for her....
All of a sudden she woke up.... and started crying.... I was hell shocked...
Just a moment ago there was such a beautifull smile on her lips and now she is crying....
I just took her into my arms and probably for the first time in years she spoke about her feeling....
Though I couldnot really feel her feelings.... I realised both the happiness and sadness in the tone of her her words....
which were something like this....
"
Sometimes life looks like hell....
But is it really that bad.... or are we imagining things....
There is always a saying.... which I sort of believe completely....
"This too, shall pass...."
And I have been waiting.... waiting.... and waiting....
to see this feeling pass....
to see things get better....
to experience relief at last....
to be happy once again....
but that day does not seem to come at all....
not in the past.... not in the present.... not in the future....
I heard that there are
"No second chances"....
but I hoped I will get one.... I really wished I am given one chance....
I know I made mistakes.... I know I hurt people around me....
but give me a name of a person who had never made mistakes in his life....
who have been able to satisfy everybody without hurting anybody's feelings....
Why is it that how much ever I try I don't seem to get a second chance....
how much ever I try my past mistakes haunt me like hell....
They always say
"It is never too late to start over again"....
But how can you start over
when you know there are so many things from the past that would not let you go....
when there are memories that never tend to cease hauting....
when there is no more desire to search for things....
when all you hope for is life to be still....
when all you want is hide yourself from the world in a closed room....
so that
you don't have to answer other's question....
you don't want other's to realise your feelings....
you don't want people to be speaking about your madness....
Madness??? Madness of what....
Madness for loving a person so much that nothing else seems to matter other than his thoughts....
when just the memories of the time spent with him brings smile on your lips....
when just the feeling of missing him brings tears into your eyes....
when nothing else matters to you except his happiness....
If you call this madness.... than I am mad.... I am mad about him....
When I was younger I was told that....
"Its hard to wait around for something that you know might not happen but its even harder to give up, when you know its everything you ever wanted...."
I never understood the meaning of that until that actually happened to me....
I thought what's the point of waiting when you know that will never happen....
but as is written there are things in life which become the only reason your living for....
No matter they belong to you or not....
No matter your happy or not....
No matter you can achieve it or not....
there is nothing in life that will make you give up the quest....
make you forget the past....
make you move along....
make you stop waiting....
"
I could do nothing but just hold her in my arms for as long as I can.... because I had no words... only prayers for her happiness....
