I miss you.....

"When I cry I see you in my tears.....

But I clean my tears.....
so that no one can see you....."

I read these words somewhere..... and could not help crying..... tears started rolling down my cheek as I left this world and travelled into a world of thoughts..... of sorrows..... of bliss..... of misery..... of happiness.....

Its only too much of love that causes you such feeling..... your afraid of someone seeing your tears..... your afraid someone will see your love..... your afraid someone might take away even the tears from you..... your afraid you will have to loose the only rememberances that you are left with..... your afraid inspite of being right next to that person you feel alone..... yet your afraid to cry..... yet your afraid you will loose the only chance of atleast seeing him/her..... your afraid you will be the cause for her misery..... and you stand all alone in the middle of a crowd..... afraid to cry yet unable to hold your tears..... you become frightened..... more frightened than a kid who lost his way..... you dont know what to do..... you dont know where to run..... or from whom to run.....

And all this happen when love crosses all its limits..... when it becomes eternal..... when it becomes divine..... and when you find someone everywhere around you..... in everything around you..... when you can feel that person's existence in your very breath..... yet..... when the person is right beside you you dont feel his/her physical existence..... yet when somebody's absence is much better than there presence..... yet when you prefer to be alone with him/her in your thoughts rather than feeling alone with him/her right beside you.....

Then.....
then you become frightened to cry..... and even if the tears roll down..... you become frightened to let others see them..... you, inspite of knowing that sharing sorrow will reduce it to half, will become afraid to share it to anyone..... will become frightened that you will loose the rememberences that you are left with.....

all alone you feel the company..... but in the company you feel the loneliness.......

being able to love others is happiness...... but being able to be loved by others is bliss.... all are not lucky enough......

The road to choose....

On one pleasant morning..... after collecting the food for the day two parrots, Solomon and his friend were chattering with each other....

"Many at times in life we come face to face with a situation where in we have to make decisions..... decisions are an integral part of life..... and we always want them to be correct..... We want our decisions to bring in good results..... Our decision should always get us better oppurtunities and least pitfalls....."said Solomon

"Very true", said his friend and became silent..... so he continued.....

"We find two roads in front of us and we need to choose.... We stand and watch into the two new roads as far as we can see..... we see think and think..... and finally make a decision..... and move along on the road we choose..... we put in our best efforts to make this decision....
Still sometimes our decisions are wrong....."

"There is something called fate..... which do effect our lifes..... nobody can escape it right.....", said the friend.

Solomon wondered more to himself than to his friend.....
"True..... but..... but..... then again.....
to a certain extent we can bear the burnt..... its ok if these decision only effects our life..... if no one else is effected by our decision.....

But when it effects others..... when it effects our loved ones..... when a single wrong decision ruins everything..... when the grounds on which we stand is being shaked..... when our world is shattered into pieces because of a single decision.....
We seem to be falling down into a pit which has no end..... worst of all..... we find our loved ones falling too..... we pray..... pray and pray with all our might for our loved ones to be safe..... we cry out for help..... not for ourself but for them..... yet when there is nothing..... yet when there is no one..... the mind is blocked..... we feel more dead than alive..... yet we are alive..... yet we need to answer the questions..... not that of others but those of our own conscience..... than..... Where is the answer??? What is the answer???"

His friend didnot know what to reply..... He felt that every word of Solomon was true..... but..... still he had his own suspicions.....

Yet to remove the tension in the situation..... He just said, "Chill dear..... You think quiet a lot..... Your a brave bird..... You can face any situation..... Its just that it takes time..... "

"True..... We will face the situation and life goes on..... but do we have the right to effect others life by our decisions.....",asked Solomon.

"Donno..... I wish I could help you..... yet..... Think it out..... I will give it a thought too", said his friend.

"And it all depends on the road we choose..... depends on the decision we make.....", said Solomon.

Saying this an unspoken decision was taken to drop the topic..... and so they chattered all day about the beautiful places they visited that season to collect there food.....

In Search of.......

In the middle of the night..... at 2 o clock..... I sit in front of my system..... with my fingers lazily moving on the keyboard and start writing this..... May be there is something i ought to share... yet i dont know what.....

Kabhi Kabhi Zindagi mein sabh kuch paane kay bavajoot bhi kuch aadura sa lagti hai.....
Mera paas sabh kuch hai lakin..... I am more than happy and content with my life yet.....
Lovely parents:too lucky to be there kid.....
AB:to always guide me through tough times.....
Rocking friends:to liven the environment around me..... yet.....

In the middle of the night..... i wake up and search for something..... something very precious..... which ought to be mine..... which ought to be mine..... Hoping after hope that i can wake up someone and ask them to help me in searching..... yet.....

All alone when everybody else is fast asleep.....
i sit here hoping that there will be someone who will find my precious thing for me.....

My heart yearns for something and yet i dont know what it is.....
My mind thinks of every possible thing and yet it doesnot seem to find the correct answer.....
My eyes search every corner of the room and yet it fails to discover anything.....
My throat calls out for every one who can help me find it and yet there is no one to answer my call.....

Lagta hai ki kudha mujhse keh raha hai ki..... Meri Sabhse Keemti cheez..... jissa mein doond rahi hoon..... woh meri aakhon key bilkul samne hai..... lakin phir bhi mein pehchan nahi paa rahi hoon.....

All alone..... I search and search..... for what ought to be mine..... for what ought to be mine.....

And when all my energy is perished..... I collapse and feel helpless.....
I feel like crying..... crying.....
till my eyes are drained of water.....
till my throat is soar with pain.....
till my heart is tired of yearning.....
till my mind is tired of thinking..... yet.....
I am not the one to give up.....
I start my search again.....

All alone..... i search and search and search..... for what ought to be mine..... for what ought to be mine.....

All alone..... i sit here..... in the middle of the night..... hoping after hope to find..... what ought to be mine..... what ought to be mine.....